what is this place?
known loop #1: this space hosts mindless rambling
known loop #1: this space hosts mindless rambling
(cross posted from my twitter) bleh. i wish the things that i want to create were the things that people want to see. i updated my website and it made *me* happy, but nobody else cares, so what's the point? if i dont draw characters that are popular, nobody sees my art, so what's the point? i almost drew my ocs today but i know nobody cares about them so i decided against it. then the thing i ended up drawing anyways still flopped. so what was the point!!!!!!! people always say you should create for yourself, but i dont care about how i feel, i want other people to be happy about what i create. i want somebody to care!
still not employed btw, so dont even ask. in other news, i feel like a mess! well...alright that's not actually news. i always feel like a mess. although some of it isnt even my fault this time. except for the fact that i FORGOT TO TAKE ONE OF MY FINALS. that was def my fault. oops! the thing that ISN'T my fault is my universities student advisors not having any open appointments until april, and i need to figure out my after-graduation plans NOW! i dont know what to do!!!! hopefully i can manage without them but idk..i guess it's a problem for future maddy. other than my constant school stress, my summer has been kinda boring. one of my friends visited from out of town which was sooo fun we went thrifting all around the city. i havent been able to go swimming because all of the natural water sources have blue-green algae infestations, and i dont really like public pools :( normally i would go to at least one festival with one of my friends but she is very busy these days so :p oh well. school is starting up again. last semester of my undergrad degree wooo!! let's hope i don't fail miserably and have to take another year!!! sigh. i just hope i can get it together this time. maybe by my next blog post i'll be super coordinated. i guess we'll just have to see!
...well. hello. if you direct your attention to the little date in the corner of this post you may realize that it has been quite a bit since i last updated this site. what can i say? i got busy. okay actually i just lost the hyperfixation but i was also busy! in regard to my last post, i did in fact have great ennui on my birthday (especially because none of my friends celebrated with me...) BUT its been a few months and now idrc. literally nothing actually changed about my life. so what HAVE i been up to if not crying all day? (oh let's not lie to ourselves, i def still cry all day.) mostly just school tbh. i finished winter sem with...fine grades. im also taking a spring AND summer class bc i do love to torture myself. i just got my grades back for spring sem and. um. let's not talk about that. my gpa is in the GUTTER rn and i feel like such a hashtag girlfailure!!!! anyways. other than struggling through uni i've mostly just been doing art. and trying to get a job. can anybody explain to me why companies say theyre soooo low on employees and then literally reject every resume i put in? girl i KNOW i dont need a degree to work at staples just give me a JOB! buh. but yeah. thet's pretty much it. kinda sad that the only things i have to report after five months are business as usual but idk. that's just my life i guess. :p okay bye
okay i lied, this post is not about christmas or pokemon. so what? i've got other things on my mind, like the fact that apparently this place has had 1000 visits? and while im sure about 500 of them are just me, that's still a big number of people so O.O hi? and thanks for checking this out i guess lolol. unfortunately i have also gone down from two followers to one. sad! oh well, you win some you lose some. anyways now that the holidays are (basically) over, it's time to focus on what is really important: my birthday. actually, i would really rather not think about it at all this year since i'm turning the scary two-oh. i haven't stopped feeling like a 17 year old since pandemic started, and now im not even going to be a teenager? what the heck! i'm saying this all jokingly but in all honesty i am very scared of growing up. i'm not ready for people to depend on me so much. and the thought of being just another cog in the machine makes me want to puke. well shit, now i got myself all worried :p im gonna stop this entry before i make it worse lolol.
i wanted to give a little insight into why my site has taken the shape it has. at first, i just wanted a simple but cute site to host my original art. but after looking at other people's pages i was inspired to have a little fun with it. not only did i want this space to be fun and interactive, but i wanted it to totally feel like me too. the timeloop theme was a no-brainer. my display name on twitter has been "maddy is stuck in a timeloop" for like two years now. i love visual novels that use the trope and i honestly think that i could handle being stuck in one. it's not like it would be that much different from my real life lol. i'm hoping to add a little more ~pizzaz~ here eventually, too. i want a moving background and more gifs and maybe a comic book recomendation section? i have so many plans i cant even keep them all striaght in my head aaaa. anyways, that's all i have to say for now. my next post might be about christmas, but it may also be about pokemon because i haven't decided yet lol. byeee :)
not sure how much i'm going to keep up the timeloop bit in this section lol, but hello! this is the blog section of my site, where you will find all sorts of random thoughts, most likely on whatever video game i'm playing at the time :) i hope at least one of you finds them interesting!